Twisted: Trials and Chibilations
by Uncle Elmo
Summary: The Second part to the Twisted Series that Show Chibi's advenures....


Twisted: Trials and Chibi-Lations

Chibi: I've a feeling we're not in Junon Anymore…

Pooch: Isn't it strange that we repeat ourselves so often?

Chibi: I think it's to remind the readers what happened in the last part.

Pooch: Oh!

Munchkid: Come on Come on!!!

(They're lead outside the house to a garish coloured landscape)

Pooch: Who did the Decorating? Matt Groenig?

(They look around and the place is full of Munchkids dancing. An official looking Munchkid comes forward)

Munchkid Leader: (sings) I Represent the LollyPop Guild….

Pooch: Argh, Suck on This!!!

(Pooch Urinates on the Singer's Leg)

Munchkid Leader stops singing

M.Leader: Ahem! We are very pleased that you have killed the Wicked Witch of the South. If you ask us where you want to go, Then we'll tell you.

Chibi: Oh, I'd like to find the Diamond Weapon.

M.Leader: We know nothing of him but the Journey to the Emerald Weapon is Long and Perilous. 

Chibi: Which Way?

(They are interrupted by the appearance of Pollensatia, She's dressed in a Black Bathing suit, and she appears in a poof of Smoke)

Pooch: Well that entrance hasn't been done before…

Polensatia: (Ignoring Pooch) : YOU KILLED MY SISTER!! I'll Get you Chibi, and your little dog too!

Pooch: Hey! Whaddya Mean? I Belong to No one sister! 

Chibi: Oh Yeah! You have No Chance!!!

Polensatia we'll see!

Chibi: So, Which way was that Emerald Weapon?

L.Munchkid: It's easy Just Follow the Yellow Brick Road.

Chibi: Follow the Yellow Brick Road?

L.Munch Kid: Follow the Yellow Brick Road.

Chibi: Follow the Yellow Bri… 

(Pooch Drags Chibi by the dress)

Pooch: Quick let's go before they sing!!!!

Munchkid: (singing) follow the Yellow Brick Road

Pooch: Too Late.

(Pooch and Chibi run off)

Chibi: Phew they Almost got us!!!!

(They arrive at a crossroads)

Chibi: Great Which way now?

(They hear someone groan)

Voice:OOOOOHHHHH!!

Chibi: What was that?

Voice: Chibi? Hey up here?

Chibi: Either that scarecrow talked, or I must cut down on those Tootsie pops.

Pooch: Hey you've swallowed the fact that I'm a talking dog, Why can't it be the Scarecrow?

Voice: Stop Talking and let me down!

Chibi: That voice sounds familiar…. Death FRB is that you?

Death: Yes, Now let me down!

Chibi: O.K!

(After some huffing and puffing Death is brought down from the pole.)

Death: At last! I wondered when you'd show up!

Chibi: When did you get here?

Death: 2 Hours ago! That pole was giving my back serious hell!

Pooch: Hey Scarecrow Need a Brain!

Death: Why you little…..

(Death runs chases after Pooch, This is stopped after Chibi Twats* him one with the Mallet) (*To hit Violently). 

Chibi: Cut that Out! Death, Why are you dressed like a Scarecrow anyway?

Death: I'm not sure….

Pooch: I got it! Perhaps it's due to the Laws of Narrative Causality. 

Chibi and Death: Uh?

Pooch: Well the reason I'm a dog is that this story needed a Dog and here I am Right? 

Death: Ah So this story also needed a Scarecrow, So…

Chibi: So there you are!

Death: That doesn't mean I like it though! I mean this straw is itchy! It's not fair!

Pooch: Do you think this Fur is any better?

Chibi(brandishing her Mallet): Stop Arguing , Anyway that Doesn't explain why I'm here.

Pooch: I'd have thought that was obvious, You're the Bewildered little Lady caught up in all of this.

Chibi: Bewildered? Me? Never! Oh and Don't call me a 'Little Lady' you creep OrI'll skin you and use you as a Rug!!!

Pooch: Oh Look I'm SO SCARED!!!!

Chibi:- (Brandishing a Mallet)) Come Here you little creep!

Death FRB: Hey! Calm down! We still have to decide where to go. This is a crossroads remember..

OVER THE HILLS AND FAR AWAY…

(Pollensatia is looking at a magic mirror)

POLLENSATIA: Mirror, Mirror on the wall, Who's the fairest of them all.

MIRROR: You were the Fairest, that was true, but Chibi Chan now is fairer than you!

POLLENSATIA : Stupid Mirror!

(She smashes it)

(A Voice comes from the other room It's very laid back) 

Mack: Hey Toots, Calm down that's the Third mirror this morning.

P: Calm Down! Calm Down!! She killed my sister!

Mack: You never liked her anyway!

P: That's not the point, Besides aren't you anxious to kick her teeth in?

Mack: Oh Yes, After she Humiliated me on that Message Board, Her and her little friends Elmo, Ambigore and Syntax I'll Chop off their…

P: ENOUGH! You know you can really make someone sick sometimes! Soon we shall have our revenge

Tinky Winky: Revenge! Revenge! Eh-Oh!

P: and Mack: SHUT UP!

BACK AT THE CROSS ROADS:

Chibi: Eeny Meeny…

Pooch: That's a stupid way to do it! Ip Dip Sky Blue….

Death: Are we Insane? We're arguing about dipping for god's sake!

Voice: Perhaps I can help you…

Chibi: Who the hell are you, and why have you got 2 heads

Pooch: Did you notice how nonchalantly she handled that then.

Left Head: I am the Keeper of the Crossroads

Right: Well it's not a crossroads, More a fork

Left: Shut up!

Right: No YOU shut up! Mother never liked you!

Death Guys, Quit it!

Pooch: Ahh I know this. One of you tells the truth and one of you always lies. Am I right!

Left: Right on the button!

Right: No, He's wrong!

Left, You see we can't make up our mind which is which y'see.

Right: Yes we can!

Chibi: This is Useless, Can you tell us the way to the Emerald Weapon?

(They Point opposite Directions with each arm)

Death: Oh Oh I know this one… If I was to ask your other head which way to go where would they tell me?

Left and Right: Thattaway! (They Point Left)

Chibi: Thanks!

(Chibi, Death and Pooch walk down that road, TwoHead watches them)

Left: You sent them the wrong way!

Right: No you did!

OVER THE HILLS AND FAR AWAY…

P: YEEESS! They've gone the wrong way! They're heading towards Racoon City!

Mack: Stop looking in the mirror you've been doing that all morning!

Tinky Winky: Noo noo? Naughty Noo Noo!

P & Mack SHUT UP!!

ALONG THE YELLOW BRICK ROAD

Death: It looks like there's a city up ahead.

Chibi: 'Racoon City' sounds promising.

IN THE CITY (IT'S DESERTED)

Chibi: Helllooooo? Anyone home?

Death: Doesn't look like it….

(They find a shop, a man pulls out a gun on our intrepid heroes)

Chibi: Don't shoot! We're Humans!

(The man looks puzzled at our heroes)

Pooch: Well Mostly…

Man: I'm sorry but this place is crowded with Jerry Springer Audience members it could be dangerous! It's getting dark You'd better find some shelter, I'll take you to a hotel, just of the yellow brick interstate, It's out of town but you should be fine. 

Chibi: Who are you?

Man: They call me Diamond Weapon cos I've got loads of them and I'm Well ard!

Death: You don't look like a WEAPON.

Man: No, Well you haven't seen me when I'm angry, You won't like me when I'm angry!

Pooch: This is weird, Aren't we supposed to wake this guy? He looks wide-awake to me.

Chibi: Perhaps we're supposed to awake the WEAPON within him.

Death: Very Metaphorical Chibi Well done.

Chibi: Thanks! How do we do that then?

All together: THE EMERALD WEAPON!

D.Weapon: What why do you want to se my brother for, He's a crook, an evil person and he spends his time chatting up people on the Internet.

Pooch:Hmmm I Wonder who he could be Hmmmmm…..

Chibi: Yes, A Womaniser, Sad Git… I see him who can he be….

Death: Have you two stopped patronising the readers, We've got to see this guy, and Only he can take us home! 

D.Weapon: Let's go to the Hotel

THROUGH THE MAGIC MIRROR

Pollensatia: DAMN! They went the wrong way, They found Diamond.

Mack: I hate his songs….

Pollensatia: Not Neil Diamond! Diamond Weapon! Now get up you Womainsing sad git who chats up women on the Internet and was separated at birth from his estranged brother and hides a deep dark secret. 

Mack: Was that massive line necessary?

P: Let's finish them off, They're going to the Hotel.

(She turns to the Mirror) 

NORMAN!

Norman: Yes Mother, I mean Pollensatia.

P: You'll have some visitors I want them Dead!

Norman: Yes Mother!

P: And Norman?

Norman: What Mother? 

P: Take the Dress and Wig off first alright…

AT THE FRONT DOOR OF THE HOTEL

Chibi: This place looks really familiar…

Death I know what you mean.

(D.W knocks on the door)

The door opens and they step inside the large courtyard

A man comes from the direction of the dining room.

MAN: What happened to Jill and Wesker?

Chibi: I Dunno? Who are they?

Man: Aha! Perhaps you, Chibi the master of unlocking can take this lock pick…

Chibi (whispering):He knew my name!(loudly) Okaaaaaay

Death: (whispering) Let's get out of here.

They back towards the door.

Man: No! Don't open that door!

They open the door 

J.S.audience member: JERRY JERRY JERRY!

Pooch: ARRGGGGHHHH It's not human.

Man; I TOLD You!…

(For no apparent reason he runs upstairs shouting …)

WEEESSSSKKKEEERRRRR! I'll get you……

(Another man appears he's shorter and skinnier)

Another man: I'm sorry about that Chris is a little (signals insane) at times, I'm sure you understand. My Name is Norman, I am the manager of Racoon City Motel, How can I help you?

D.W: We'd like a room, (looks at Chibi) Rooms, Yes separate rooms.

(Norman walks up to Chibi) 

Norman: and will you be taking a shower Little Lady?

Chibi: Not really why?

Norman: Cause if you do, I have to clean it up first, (mumbles) blood on the carpet.

Chibi: What was that what did you say?

Norman: I can help you, Follow me….

(They ascend the staircase and then Chris runs out screaming brandishing a knife, he's dressed up in a dress and wig., Norman Grabs hold of him)

Norman: You bastard! It was MY turn to kill them not yours, AND You're using the Black dress That's MINE!!! 

Death: I think it's time we made a sharp exit….

Chibi: Great idea Ready?

Pooch: Go!

(They run out of the mansion)

POLENSATIA THROUGH THE LOOKING GLASS

P: DAMN! He screwed up! Well if you want a job doing, better do it yourself. Mack, Are you ready?

Mack: Awww I was just chatting up this chick on a FF page, She might really like me.

P:I Doubt it… Now the Master has had his go, It's time for ME to screw reality

Mack: Master? Who's he?

P: Don't you know, There's one person controlling all of this, Even now he's watching over us….

Mack: Like the Truman show? That's Freaky!

P: Here I go… Hold on to your Buts:

Tinky Winky: Ohhh Butts… Again Again!

P: Shut up! I need silence while I do the incantation…. Ip Dip Sky bluee…..

BACK ON THE YELLOW BRICK ROAD

Death : Where now?

Chibi: I don't care! Keep on running….

Pooch: Keep on hiding….

Death: Cut that out! 

Chibi: I feel really strange….

Death: SO do I….

DW Perhaps it's to do with the way we're floating above the ground.

Death: What? Waaahhhh! Let me down!

Pooch: It appears we're in a state of interdimensional flux.

(Everyone looks at him)

Pooch: Hey I might be a dog but my IQ is over 180!

IN ANOTHER WORLD

Computer: Hello Mr Chaykin

Chaykin: Hello Computer how's the Particle Accelerator Going?

Computer: Fine Professor Watch out for this storm, If Lightning hits the console you'll be in trouble, Perhaps on.. Another World….

ANOTHER DIMENSION THEN BLOODY HELL NO NEED TO BE SO PICKY!!

Teacher: Black holes can be scary, sometimes terrifying CHIBI!

(Chibi wakes up to find her in a desk)

Chibi: Wha?

Teacher: Asleep again huh? Well Let's see how you deal being locked up in the box!

Chibi: Hey! You can't lock me up in there!

(He throws Chibi in a small Cupboard)

Teacher: What Chibi Afraid of the dark Eh?

(The Bell Rings and Chibi takes this opportunity to escape, She runs through the Teachers legs and through the door and along the corridor)

Teacher: Hey come back right now Little Lady!

Chibi: No way Hose!

(She gets outside)

Chibi: Yippee Freedom!

Pooch: Hey! What about me!

Chibi: What are you doing here?

Pooch: Singing the Bolero, What the hell does it look like!

Chibi Let's go and Get Pollensatia! 

Pooch: Agreed but where the hell is she, This looks like Smallville!

D.W: Sea Haven I think.

Chibi: Diamond! You're here!

D.W: Yeah, I'm a janitor in this twisted place. I found that there's going to be an eclipse that looks promising.

Chibi : Let's go and see it.

Pooch: Yeah! Chibi, doesn't this hat look stupid?

Chibi: Not at all! Everyone's headed that way Let's go.

Chibi runs in the direction everyone else goes….

Anonymous Cockney Voice: Oh Look it's the Eclipse!

Pooch: What? Hoo Boy this is bad news…. 

(pooch gets sucked up)

Chibi: Poochie!!!!!!

Chibi: Right that's ticked me off Let's go get him!

Chibi runs in the direction of a housing estate.

D.W: Ummm Wait! 

Chibi arrives at a largish house and hops over the gate

D.W Chibi don't you think it's a little weird that you know EXACTLY where to go…

Anonymous Female Voice: Chibi, I want a word with you…

Chibi: Later mom.

She climbs into a tree house, a futuristic looking bike dominates the room. D.W Climbs up to find Chibi typing at a keyboard frantically.

Chibi: Come on Come on ACTIVATE!

D.W: Chibi, None of this makes sense, You're acting like a zombie…

Chibi: Yes! Preparing Emergency Rations, Tootsie pop, Lemon Pie ,Seafood cake, Soda Pop, Yes!

D.W Chibi what are you doing.

Chibi hops on the Bike-like thingy and starts it up, the computer starts a countdown

Computer:10,9,8,7….

Chibi: DAMN! (she hops off the bike and presses a panel in the wall, The panel slides along to reveal her Mallet) Almost forgot!

Computer: 4,3,2,1 LIFT OFF.

D.W Leaps on the bike as it lurches in the air, It screams up at twice the speed of sound, 

Chibi: HOLD ON!

D.W: Oh so you have noticed me then…

Chibi: SHUT UP!

The Bike flies towards the Wormhole created by the Eclipse.

D.W: We're out of control! We're in trouble Chibi

Chibi: I know, I know!

A Witch flies past on a broomstick,

Pollensatia: You thought you were in trouble before? Take this!

She Blows a kiss at D.W He loses his balance but manages to hold on by his fingertips, He dangles perilously 100 feet above the ground.

D.W: Oh Bugger!

P: OHOHOHOHOHOHOHO! You are no match for me!

Chibi: Pollensatia, You Spoony Bard Stop it right now!

P: Oooohhh I'm scared, I really am, but now I have to deal with your Death FRB friend….

Chibi: No! Leave him alone, It's me you want!

P: You're gonna have to land Chibi, Your Fuel's nearly empty…

Chibi No it isn't…. Damn! You! 

P: Hwyl! I mean… _Ja NeI_

Chibi: Oooohhh Wait till I get hold of you…

P: Ah-ah ah, An old friend wants to meet you, You'll meet him down below… Oh look you're out of Fuel, Happy landings!

Chibi: Oh Shiiiiiiii…….

IN ANOTHER PART OF THE WORLD

Death: Where am I? Damn that's so cliched…

(Pooch falls out of the sky and on Death's head)

Death: Hey! Watch it, I thought you were supposed to land on your feet.

Pooch: That's cats moron!

Pollensatia: Ahh There you are…. Now what shall we do with you… Hot dog perhaps, or a Death Skinned Rugs… I LIVE for fur!

Pooch: Over my dead body! Umm let me rephrase that over your dead body you ugly decrepit hag!

Pollensatia: WHAT! Now let's see how little Poochie fairs without the power of Speech!

Pooch: Woof?

Death: Damn you! Hat was nasty! 

Pollensatia: Don't worry about the dog, Worry about yourself. Tinky Winky, Get them!

Tinky Winky Yeah Again Again!

(Death stands there frozen with terror as the big purple blob staggers towards him…)

Pooch: Woof! (pooch dives towards the tellytubby, ripping it to shreds with his teeth.

Death: Good Boy!

(Pooch gives him a stern look)

Death: Sorry!

Pollensatia looks at the remains of Tinky Winky

Pollensatia: OHMYGOD! You killed TinkyWinky!

Death: And now you're gonna meet him! 

(Death picks up a bucket full of water and throws it over Pollensatia)

Pollensatia: Oh No! I'm Melting….Melting… Hey! Wait a minute, This is water, I'm Alive! Hah!

(She flies away on her broomstick)

Death: DOH! Anyway I Hope Chibi's alright…

NOT SO FAR AWAY…

Chibi: Ooohhh that hurts!

D.W: What about me, The bike fell on top of me!

Chibi: Well anything can happen in the next half-hour….

Mack: and anything will babe.

D.W Brother?

(Chibi and the readers slap their foreheads)

Mack: You keep out of this Chibi and I have a score to settle haven't we…

Chibi: I don't know what you're talking about.

Mack: Picture the scene, I'm on the net, just messing about as you do, and I see this chick mouthing off on the net. Since I have no social life I decide to chat her up. The Chick gets upset and Flames me! Then when she does all her friends do… Syntax, Death FRB and Uncle Elmo all gang up and I can't show my face ever again, I'm too embarrassed, and all that time I want revenge on that chick who DARED to spurn me… Chibi Chan…

Chibi: You're Tinky Winky?

Mack: No, Tinky Winky was my nom de Plum, I made the mistake of putting my real name on the MB- Mack….

Chibi: So you want a piece of me huh? Come on then! I'll take you with one hand behind my back…

Mack Really? Let's see you beat this! 

(Mack transforms into Emerald Weapon, he's about 40-foot tall and bright green)

Chibi: Oh Bugger!

E.W Scoops up Chibi with one of his claws

E.W: and now I can finally get my revenge!

D.W (still human): Get your hands off her! It's me you want!

E.W Oooohhh I'm scared, If you want to fight me, You're gonna have to change.

D.W Alright… (D.W changes into his real self. He's bright white and 35 foot)

D.W: You can put her down now.

E.W: Fine! (he throws her away, she lands on a Giant Marshmallow Flump)

D.W Let's fight!

(The two Weapons fight, It looks like a Godzilla Movie with two massive monsters fighting.)

Death and Pooch materialise and land on a Flump Right next to Chibi

Death: What's going on here?

Pooch: Woof?

Chibi: Fight to the Death, normal sorta thing….

Death: Cool! Pass me some popcorn,

(Chibi takes some popcorn out of a popcorn-holding marshmallow next to her)

Chibi: Where's Pollensatia?

Pollensatia: Here I am! So you've killed my henchmen but you haven't killed me.

Chibi: Oh Yeah well I've had enough! Not only does this Fanfic steal my unique writing style (as seen in Magic Knights) But I have to deal with your highly cliched ramblings too, I've had enough!! 

(Chibi jumps up and down in anger and becomes SD) 

SD Chibi: Damn SD too? I'm gonna call my lawyers!

(She jumps so hard that the can of soda pop falls out of her pocket)

Pollensatia: Soda Pop! I HATE Soda Pop!

Death Oh you do huh?

(Death Picks the Can up, shakes it vigorously and tosses it to Chibi. Chibi places her finger on the ringpull and brandishes the can like a grenade)

Pollensatia: Nooooo Burn in hell!

Chibi: No, You First! (She opens the ring pull and throws the can at Pollensatia, The can explodes showering Soda Pop everywhere)

Pollensatia: Nooo I'm Melting Melting, Oh what a world!

(DW and E.W are still fighting, D.W gets the upper hand, and He Lifts his brother over his head and throws him down, Moments later they hear a splash)

D.W: I did it! I mean I don't have to be scared anymore! Thanks friends. |You know what I'll do? I'm gonna attack Junon Yeah! That's what I'll do. (He Vanishes)

Pooch: Woo- Well that's that! Yes I can talk! Death I've gotta say something to you about that 'good boy' comment earlier…

Chibi: Not now something's happening.

(The Cloud in front of them part and they see THE MASTER typing on something, He looks straight at the crew and smiles, The Image fades)

Death: Now you don't see that everyday.

Chibi: I wonder if he knows he's in charge of all this?

Pooch: I doubt it.

Chibi: I mean should we tell him.

(The God's of FFVII Narrative causality appear)

Leo: Don't worry Chibi He'll find out soon enough, He's our worst enemy, We have to stop him from doing this.

Terra: But you have done an excellent job in remedying some of the damage he's done, Your quest is over…

Death: SO we can go home?

Aerith: One of you must answer a question first, If you get it right then you go home, get it wrong and you stay here forever….

Chibi: I'll do it, C'mon what's the question.

Aerith: Are you sure? It is a very difficult question I'm not sure ANYONE knows the answer.

Chibi: Come on, Spit it out…

Leo: (takes a deep breath): Alright… Here's the Question… How many Licks does it take to get in the centre of a Tootsie pop? 

(Chibi Smiles)

FIVE MINUTES LATER

Terra: I don't believe that, she actually knew it! 

Leo: No Point worrying about it now, Quest number 2 is coming up…

Aerith: Is this the one where the ship sinks.

Leo: Sssshhhhhh! You don't want to give the plot away don't you!

Terra: Wait a minute, I've got a suspicion that some people are still reading this.

Leo: WHAT? Are they Insane! Go away, Wait until the next part comes out. Go on.

TO BE CONTINUED!

__


End file.
